Tanking Rankings Part 2- 12/1/13

I initially intended for this to be a weekly thing, but not only did I forget about it, but my computer is supremely broken and I haven't had the chance to keep up with my posts. I apologize to all 2 of you that read this.

1. Utah Jazz

What a sorry excuse for an NBA team. I've got to hand it to the Jazz, they know how to tank. They barely average 90 points a game and are allowing roughly 100 which has led to 3 wins. They're young, inexperienced and way in over the heads. I wish the Sixers would take notes. Well done Utah.

2. Milwaukee Bucks

The Bucks came under much scrutiny prior to the season for not tanking. The team's front office would rather contend for the 8 seed-- and in turn fill the seats--for the next five years than suck now to build a contender. Adding bonafide NBA scorers in O.J.Mayo and Caron Butler, Milwaukee rode their high horse of self-righteousness across the NBA landscape, scoffing at the idea of tanking, ruining the integrity of the game. However, the Bucks forgot that Mayo is actually a glorified spot-up shooter/homeless person (have you seen his beard) and Caron Butler hasn't been good since he was running and gunning with Gilbert Arenas in Washington (pun intended). So congratulations Bucks fans, your inept front office may have accidentally salvaged your future. 

3. Sacramento Kings

Speaking of inept front offices, the Sacramento Kings are yet again an NBA bottom-dweller. In a rather intriguing move however, they acquired former number 2 overall pick Derrick Williams from Minnesota last week. While it seems like he's a major bust, I think Williams can salvage an NBA career. Through no fault of his own, Williams was stuck in a crowded front court in Minnesota. He often struggled to find minutes at power forward behind superstar Kevin Love, forcing him to play on the wing where he's far from comfortable or productive. Now I know what you're thinking, doesn't Sacramento have an equally crowded front court? Of course they do, they're Sacramento. But unlike the T-wolves, the Kings have virtually nothing to lose. Acquiring Williams is a classic low-risk, high-reward move and since nothing else in recent memory has worked out for the Kings, I'm all aboard the Derrick Williams bandwagon. 

4. Philadelphia 76ers

After a sizzling start, my Sixers are starting to show their true colors. Thanks to injuries to Spencer Hawes, Thaddeus Young and Michael Carter-Williams, my nightmares of a .500 season have all but disappeared. No longer must I swallow the bittersweet taste of victory. Evan Turner trade rumors and MCW regression have eased my worried mind. However, the Sixers are still second in the Atlantic Division thanks to the two New York teams treating their NBA contests like YMCA pick-up games. So here's to the continued "success" of the 6-10 Raptors and the continued losses of the 76ers.

5. Cleveland Cavaliers

The Cavaliers are the most traumatized, paranoid and delusional franchise in sports. The scars left by the departure of Lebron James won't heal any time in the near future. In fact, the fans and front office alike are holding their breath, hoping that somehow, someway Lebron will opt out of the final year of his contract with the Heat and sign with the Cavaliers this summer. But Lebron left Cleveland for basketball, financial and I'm sure many other reasons, and the only thing the Cavs have done right since he left--aside from their awesome new uniforms--is luck into superstar Kyrie Irving in the draft. Which brings us to their more immediate goal of making the playoffs. The Cavs desperately want to prove to Kyrie that they can build a contender, or at least a playoff team, out of fear that he'll spurn them the way Lebron did. So when yet another number one pick fell into their lap this past summer, they totally screwed the pooch and took Anthony Bennett, supposedly the most "NBA-ready" player who would push this young team over the hump and into the playoffs. Unfortunately, Bennett is making Kwame Brown-like strides toward being a massive bust thanks to his 2.2 points per game on 22% shooting. I beg you Cavs fans, don't do this to yourselves. He's not coming back.

6. Boston Celtics
The Celtics have a plethora of combo guards, a myriad of undersized big men and Jeff Green. If you're looking for a formula for mediocrity in the NBA, that's it. But I'd like to take this time to talk about Rajon Rondo. Purely for the sake of my entertainment, I would like him to come back from his knee injury. If you thought his post-game interviews were abrasive and angry when playing with Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, imagine what he'll say after playing a couple games with Jordan Crawford, Marshon Brooks and Kris Humphries. At his best Rondo makes this team a fringe playoff contender, but it's the regular season so odds are Rondo will be coasting and racking up meaningless assist numbers. I actually love Rondo, I really do. I've just come to accept that he's a streaky, hot-headed star who is somewhat passive-aggressive and supremely confident. But guys like this are why I love the NBA. Oh right, tanking rankings. The Celtics suck. Let's move on.

7. Orlando Magic
I hate to beat up on Cleveland again, but why didn't they take Victor Oladipo with the first pick? Even before the draft I thought he was actually the most NBA-ready player, and on top of that he still has much potential. Instead he fell into the lap of the Magic with the second pick. An athletic wing player who can guard multiple position with a rapidly growing jumper is the prototype for young shooting guards in the modern NBA, and that's exactly what Oladipo is. He's a big reason why the Magic have been respectable so far this season. Nonetheless, they're no playoff team but have done perhaps the best job of any team on here of being exciting while also ensuring losses.

8. Phoenix Suns
The only team on this list with a winning record is perhaps the most surprising team so far this season. At the beginning of the year it looked like they were headed straight for a top 3 pick, but thanks in large part to the Eric Bledsoe growing up before our eyes, Phoenix fans should be panicking. But there is some silver lining in a recent home loss to the Jazz. Is this an anomaly in what is a productive season for the Suns, or a sign of more losing to come? My gut tells me it's the latter which is why the Suns find themselves in these rankings, but trust me, they're playing a whole lot better than anyone expected.